Recently, I was forwarded a video of Bishop Eddie Long being crowned king by members of his congregation. For those who do not know, Bishop Long is a prominent Christian pastor who was accused of sexually abusing young men in his congregation. At the time of the allegations, Bishop Long blasted the media for supporting what he deemed false allegations. However, Bishop Long’s church and its insurance company later settled with the accusers for an undisclosed sum. One would believe that the luster of Bishop Long would have dissipated after such a scandal. Yet, instead he is being declared a king by members of his congregation. Since I am not a Biblical scholar, I will not attempt to address the issue of the Biblical soundness or heresy of declaring any minister a king. Being an advocate for sexual abuse survivors, the question I pose to members of his congregation and those within the entire community is: what about the victims?
Statistics suggest that 1 out of 6 males and at least 1 of every 4 females is sexually abused in their lifetime. I wonder if the congregants who lifted Bishop Long on his throne consulted with his accusers and got their input on the “coronation”? Some may argue that “God forgives”, “no one can judge but God”, “we’ve all fallen short”, or “Bishop Long will have to address his behavior on Judgment Day.” Such statements serve only to keep sexual abuse hidden in our communities and to silence the voices of victims. Do I believe in forgiveness? Most definitely. In my work with families who have dealt with incest, I have seen forgiveness firsthand. Yet, we seem to be too quick to offer forgiveness. Forgiveness should be offered when someone is asking for forgiveness. By doing so, the person is admitting to making a mistake. Instead, we skip over the prerequisites of Responsibility and Accountability. By responsibility, one must acknowledge their wrongdoing. This step announces to the world that what the victim has stated was true. Victims of abuse often fear coming forward because they might not be believed, especially when the abuser is someone prominent (e.g. ministers, teachers, coaches, etc.) or deemed trustworthy (e.g. parents, uncles, siblings, etc.). To not give the victim the satisfaction of the truth being stated by their abuser is a travesty. Next, we must become accepting of consequences for actions. In offering up righteous forgiveness, we shy away from being okay with consequences still occurring. However, when one looks in the Bible, he will see that God even gave consequences to those whom He loved. After Moses’ behavior, he repented, but God informed him that he would still not be permitted to enter the Promised Land. When David had a soldier killed and impregnated the soldier’s wife (still unclear if that was a consensual relationship, but I digress), he ripped his clothes and begged God for forgiveness. God forgave him, but David still suffered the consequence of the baby born from that situation dying. This is not to say that consequences have to be as extreme as those mentioned above. Accountability must happen. It also serves a purpose for the victim. It lets it be known that the abuse inflicted upon him or her is severe and is not just being swept under the rug. When members of Bishop Long’s congregation chose to leave after the sexual abuse allegations (which they had every right to do), they were chastised for their decisions. Some argued that they were not demonstrating Christian forgiveness. My question would be, were they not simply holding Bishop Long accountable for his actions while at the same time making it clear to the victims that they did not condone the abuse? As a psychologist who has made it my mission to work with churches on developing effective responses to dealing with sexual abuse, I understand the importance of the Church in the lives of many. The church is often the first place that we go to seek solace from experiences including sexual abuse. In this, our community (and especially the faith community) we must begin to practice ALL of the principles of forgiveness including Responsibility & Accountability if we want to ever play a significant role in ending sexual abuse.
As for Bishop Long and his coronation? It does ring of royalty. It is truly a royal mess.
Dr. Tyffani Monford Dent is a licensed psychologist/consultant/motivational speaker. She is also the author of Girls Got Issues: A Woman’s Guide to Self-discovery and Healing. Girls Got Issues is available on her website www.MonfordDentConsulting.com and www.amazon.com. Follow Dr. Dent on twitter: drtyffanimdent
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