By
now, most of the world has seen Miley Cyrus’ display at the MTV Music
Awards where she chose to engage in sexually provocative behavior. At the time,
many decried her performance and bemoaned the loss of the innocent Disney
Channel star who was known more for her alter ego Hannah Montana than for
being Miley Cyrus. Being a psychologist who works with teens, I was saddened to
find that I was not shocked by her “performance” or by the popularity Instead,
I recognized the signs of what I am beginning to see more in my work with
adolescent girls.
Since
I wrote this about the Miley Cyrus incident, we have had another one in the
form of Mimi from Love & Hip Hop
Atlanta and her infamous Shower Curtain Rod Tape. Although many have decried
Mimi’s antics and the videotape, she has received more press, more google
searches, and offers of money (even though it is from some less-than-desirable
people). In a world where our girls
believe that any attention is good attention, where do Miley & Mimi leave
us as we attempt to raise our girls?
The
American Psychological Association has printed an excellent resource on the
sexualization of our girls. In it, the APA discusses how television, social
networking, and our music has influenced how tween and teen girls are beginning
to perceive themselves. As our girls try to figure out what it means to be
“girl” , “female”, or “woman”, they naturally look around for examples of what
this entails. In doing so, they are bombarded with images in popular urban
fiction books, music, and television of sexual innuendos, the need to begin
dating relationships, and being provocative in dress as signs of true
“femaleness”.
In
addition, girls are known to be relational in nature. They often define themselves
in part by the quantity versus the quality of their relationships. When we add
in social media---from Facebook to Twitter to Instagram, it is clear that girls
who make sexualized comments, expose the most “skin”, etc. receive the most
“likes”, retweets, etc. Again, we send the message that sex not only sells, it
gets attention. Miley Cyrus, her tongue & the foam finger as well as
Mimi & her shower curtain rod being
the topic of discussion on social media, in newspapers, and radio, bear this
out.
Would
Miley have received as much media exposure if she would have simply sang her
song instead of using a foam finger and grinding on Robin Thicke? Would Mimi
have been as noticed on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta and TMZ if not for the tape
and exposing new uses for a shower curtain rod?
I seriously doubt it.
So,
how do we combat such messages and raise our girls to be secure human beings in
a society that sexualizes them at an early age? Some suggestions:
1. Acknowledge the media representation
of our girls and discuss the images with them. Talk to them about what is
inappropriate in what they hear in music lyrics, on television, etc.
2. Increase the self-esteem of our girls
by assisting them in recognizing their positive characteristics and cultivating
them. If they are creative---encourage them to participate in the Arts. Athletic—involve
them in sports
3. Have age-appropriate conversations
about sex and sexuality
4. Help them begin to develop an
understanding of what is acceptable in their own use of social media and in
their dress---let them begin to make decisions in these areas and discuss the
choices they make
5. Recognize that they live in a world
vastly different from your own. Technology is a part of their socialization and
is in every aspect of their lives. Show them how to use it and monitor their
use
Dr. Tyffani Monford Dent is a licensed
psychologist/consultant/motivational speaker. She is also the author of Girls Got Issues: A Woman’s Guide to
Self-discovery and Healing. Girls
Got Issues is available on her website www.MonfordDentConsulting.com and
www.amazon.com. Her newest book geared
towards teen girls is scheduled for release in Summer 2014. Follow Dr. Dent on
twitter: drtyffanimdent. Dr. Dent is available to speak at women’s
conferences/workshops
